Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
