i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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