Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
