Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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