I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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