I skipped work to stalk him.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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