So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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