im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend