That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
