your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
