the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
