This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
