peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Holy sore nipples Batman
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
