ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
