dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
