No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
