overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
