You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
