Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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