Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
