I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
