Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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