So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
