So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
