i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
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You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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