I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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