so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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