Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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