a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
