I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
