the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
