brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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