Welp...herpes.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
