I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
