you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
