I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
