I'm lost and stupid without you.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
