Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
