apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
