Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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