I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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