You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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