I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
