Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
