A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
