break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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