And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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