Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
