he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
this will be a night to untag.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
