Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
