He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
