took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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