I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
