She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
