see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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