don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
