Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
