Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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