i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
