whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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