I want to stick my p in your. b.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
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I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
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Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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