I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
