Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
