I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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