Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
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Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
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I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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