Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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