I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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