I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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