I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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