You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
